Sunday, October 7, 2007

Poison Ivy!


Life on the Upper East Side may be glamorous but there is still a ton of pressure to be the best. Parents want their kids to go on to greatness and the only way to do that is to go to a good college. This week was Ivy Week and all of our favorite Upper East Siders brought their A game.
A hallway confrontation between our two favorite feuding hotties got the festivities started. Blair came face to face with Serena and told her she didn't think Brown offered a degree in slut! OhMyGod! She so went there! This pushed Serena over the edge and she finally let her guard down. It was on! And thank God, because Serena was starting to look like a real pushover, letting Blair continually belittle her. The girls took their battle to the greens: the field hockey greens to be exact. In an exciting gym class game the two rivals had it out for each other. Blair was on the offense; repeatedly hitting Serena with her field hockey stick. She collected enough technical cards it looked like she was holding onto a rainbow. Fed up, Serena did the unimaginable: she threw Blair Waldorf to the ground! The claws were finally out as the girls tackled each other on the middle of the field while all their classmates gawked. It was a total catfight! As well as practically every boy on the UES' wet dream; two of the hottest girls in school wearing short skirts and wrestling one another on a grassy field. You might as well have thrown in some jello or mud to really complete the full out brawl. But we're from the Upper East Side and therefore classy, so they just kept it to a good old fashioned bitchfight with some hair pulling and pinching.
While the girls were being violent, the boys at St. Jude's were preoccupied. They were getting paired as ushers to representatives from the colleges for the Ivy Week Mixer. All Dan Humphrey wanted was to usher JL Hall, the Dartmouth Rep, and author of Dan's favorite book of all time, The Petting Zoo. JL Hall and his book were the sole reasons Dan wanted to attend Dartmouth. But guess who happens to be from a Dartmouth family and ended up winning the coveted spot? Why our very favorite legacy, Nate Archibald. Too bad, Nate had no idea who JL Hall is or that The Petting Zoo was even a book. I think the last book Nate ever read was Superfudge in the 3rd grade. Dan was devastated. How is a guy like him who's from a family that doesn't endow university buildings supposed to make a name for himself? Rufus, Dan's dad, wasn't going to let this ruin Dan's chances of being accepted to a premiere university. After some begging and pleading, Rufus scored Dan a prime job at the Ivy Week Mixer: no, not as the Dartmouth usher but rather as refreshment boy. And Rufus booked himself a gig as the official entertainment for the mixer. Throw Jenny in there and you have a complete Humphrey family affair. Oh, brother.

Meanwhile, Blair was out for Serena's blood. She was determined to find out the real reason Serena returned from boarding school. Serena had to have a dark and dirty secret for coming back so abruptly. And in Blair's desperate need, guess who she sought for help? Why, our favorite devil, Chuck Bass, obviously. Chuck did his best Sherlock Holmes and followed Serena after school. Of course, Chuck was in a limo and looked more like a creepy stalker than a detective but he did come through for Blair in the end. He trailed Serena all the way to The Ostroff Treatment Center. My, my, my. Say it isn't so. Serena in rehab?? This was almost too good to be true. Chuck snapped some pics and brought them back to Blair. The bomb was in Blair's hands. And there was only one possible place she was going to let it explode--at the Ivy Week Mixer. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right B?
At the mixer, everyone was doing their respected jobs; Dan was serving the finest cocktails to the parched guests, Rufus was playing acoustic guitar on stage, Blair was wooing the Yale Rep and Nate was trying to break the dead silence he was experiencing while talking to JL Hall. When Serena showed up with her mother and little brother, Eric, she made a beeline to the Yale Representative and Blair. Looked like she was going to give Blair a dose of her own medicine! Serena interrupted and "politely" suggested the Rep needed a refill. She happily escorted the Rep away leaving a livid Blair in the dust. Yale was Blair's dream school. It was the only school she ever wanted to go to. How dare Serena get in the way of that!

But you know Blair Waldorf wouldn't retreat so easily. She had something up her sleeve. As part of Ivy Week, Blair was in charge of picking the charity her Community Outreach Committee would honor. And the lucky foundation? The Ostroff Treatment Center. Wait, isn't that the same place Serena was seen going into the day before... Well, isn't that ironic? On stage, in front of all the students, parents and college representatives, Blair announced one of their very own was benefiting from the center: our favorite former "it" girl, Serena van der Woodsen. Serena froze. She was outed! Taking the high road, Serena got on the stage and admitted the Ostroff Center was in fact helping her. Everyone stood in shock. Cell phones out, camera phone photos being taken, this was crazy! So this is why Serena van der Woodsen came back? To go to rehab??
BUT WAIT! Not so fast. There's more! In a crazy turn of events, Eric, Serena's little brother, approached Blair and asked to speak with her. He told Blair that it wasn't Serena who was a patient at the Ostroff Center. It was actually him! Turns out, Eric tried to kill himself and was getting help there. Bummer. Guess we finally got the real reason for Serena's sudden reappearance. Wasn't as scandalous as we were hoping for. It was actually kind of depressing. But nonetheless, we wish Eric van der Woodsen a speedy recovery. Get well, E!
In what will probably go down as one of the most epic match ups of all time (one that would make Ali vs. Frazier jealous), Serena and Blair met in the flesh, just the two of them, eye to eye at the Bethesda Terrace Arcade in Central Park. Unlike their field hockey battle, there was no tackling and no physical contact this time. Blair brought a letter she had written to Serena who was at boarding school. It explained all the bad things that were going on in Blair's life, like her dad leaving her mom for a male model and her parents' subsequent divorce. Blair was just so hurt Serena never called her when this was all going on. Serena knew what was happening yet she didn't do anything about it. Serena said she just didn't know how to be a friend to Blair after the horrible thing she did. Blair realized that both of their families have gone through a lot in the past few months. The girls both had tears in their eyes and it seemed like they were possibly, just maybe, reconciling?!
We really never thought this would happen. Blair and Serena friends again? Could it possibly be? I'm not too sure. This city isn't big enough for two queenbees. No way they can rule the world of the Upper East Side together, peacefully and harmoniously. There's bound to be turmoil lurking on the horizon. And you know who will be waiting to see which one falls first? Why, Gossip Girl, of course.
xoxo GOSSIP GIRL

posted by (GG)

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